Apo and me

This one is for the one man who has always been there for me.


Apo!Apo!
Lift me up again on to your shoulder
And show me the twinkling lights of Kohima.
Seat me under the pear tree and bounce me on your knees.
Sing me the song about aeroplanes and trains you saw in Dimapur.
Get me an ice cream from there too and not just papayas and litchees.
Tell me again about the big buses that ply in Kohima.
When are we moving to town to our new house?
Did you hear the song I sang for your from the balcony last week?
Why did you come home looking like a stranger and make me cry?
I love the black hat that you brought home.
And the big umbrella I can sit under and play.
Sing me some hindi songs again please?
Can I try my hand at your typewriter?

Apa! Apa!
Let's go for a ride on your noisy bike please.
I swear I won't fall off, I will cling to you like how you showed me to.
Please take me to the river again and teach me how to catch a fish.
Let's go check the bamboo grooves and catch some frogs.
I chewed so much gum today, we can glue many cicadas for sure.
Show me how to lift the latch and launch a catapult.
Now I know how to dress a chicken and cut wood the right way.
Help me lift this basket to my head. Oh! So that's how it is done?
Let's go buy a radio and some jeans.
And can I have some singaras too?

Apa! Apa!
Take me to town to eat chow and momos.
And say hello to the azaleas at the War Cemetery.
Or maybe have chai and puri at your office canteen.
Those aunties might give me a piece of cake again.
You have so many friends at work?
We have to fill up my forms and please sign this for me?
Thank you and now please let me go to the class picnic?
Where should I go to attend college?
Followed your footsteps and this is awesome.
My holidays begin soon and I need you to pick me up from hostel.
I should have done better and made you prouder.
No. I want to explore my options.
It's okay. I'll be gone for just three years....five years.
I am a big girl now. I know what is right for me.
Why can't I be with this boy? I'll be just fine.
Leave me alone. Why don't you understand?

Apa! Apa!
You were right. I should have listened to you.
Now I will. You know better.
I just want to be your little girl.
Don't send me away yet! I don't want to go.
Apa! I'm unhappy. He doesn't want me and I can't do this anymore.
Can I come back home please?
Thank you Apa. You always have my back.
I am sorry for embarrassing you.
I will try harder.

Apa! Apa!
Please stay awhile. Let's watch a movie.
Discuss the books you taught me to love.
I know you are bored and tired these days.
Can I do something to help? Come stay with me.
Let's go on a trip.
It's my turn to show you something fun to do.
Let's fry dal and chicken and some pumpkin.
Like good ole times.
While Mom watch us amused.
Daddy and his little girl.

Running.....

Sometimes it feels so much easier to run away from it all than to face it.

And sometimes, you can't run even if you want to.

And sometimes, you have to keep running to keep it going.

Right now, I am keeping it running.

For reasons I know best.

I have stuck to my guns and faced my demons.

I will do it again if the need arises.

People around me are running too. In the way they know best.

I don't judge them or blame them.

That is how they are and the only way they know perhaps.

Life is all about running things.

Keeping it running. Sometimes running away and sometimes running home.

And we all need to run to keep our sanity on some days.

I just need us to keep holding hands as we run this stretch together.

Don't let go of my hand. I won't let go of yours.

And we keep running this race we found ourselves a part of.

Ode to a virtual friend

hello stranger, 

friend and confidante,

sometimes you could be on the other side

far away, beyond my way

and then a word, a line, a song shared 

and it all makes sense

these connections, conversations 

no one can explain

i've tried. i know

i'm just happy you are here 

and sometimes there

in my life, in my world, 

in my inbox and smartphone

under the same sun and moon

why should every relationship have a name?

somethings are beyond definition

it's enough that we clicked

over a joke, a picture, imaginary coffee

and shared a minute 

of understanding and enlightenment

wisdom and truth

that's all there is to a beautiful life

the way we touch each other's existence

giving meaning to a mundane moment

enriching life and adding color

a kind word, cheering us up unexpectedly

sobering advice that seems just right for me

i am grateful for the solidarity

and empathy and the arguments;

the answers and the questions

the humor and the faith

and just so you know

you will never be alone

somewhere in the shadows 

i lurk to bring you a smile

when you least expect it

you would do the same for me

thank you for those many seconds

when life became beautiful

and i could begin to dream again

Of Christmases past.

I always get sentimental at Christmas. Like in the old christmas song.
But my thoughts get lost as there is always a lot to do.
Cooking. Shopping. Packing. Decorating. Visiting. Taking care of guests. Travelling.
Being taken care of. Planning. Ah! the list goes on and on.
One evening during our family chats, Mother exclaims that Christmas is her favourite festive occasion because people are all so nice, so cheerful, so courteous...even normally bitter people come alive somehow.
And I couldn't help but laugh at her observation but it is true. Haven't you noticed?
People are all in no hurry even though they hurry through their shopping, whole families out with the nannies and maids too tagging along. There is much cheer in the air. Nice smells. Smiles all around. Happy chit-chats. Even the local butcher is a cheerful person for once, indulging in friendly banter instead of shoving the unwanted meat portions at you with the "take it or leave it" attitude and face.
Colors and lights. I love standing on my balcony night after night as soon as December hits Kohima and check out the houses around mine all lit up. And listen to old records of Boney M and Jim Reeves.

Thanks to Hornbill, Christmas lights come up even earlier. And the fireworks....Minus the noise and the pollution would be perfect. We as a people haven't really evolved. Only adopted modern ways minus the sensibilities that go with it. Almost the neo-Punjabis. No offence intended but aren't we as a people gravitating towards pomp, loudness and show nowadays? Anything for Christmas I'd say.
In my family at least, the amount of pork we consume has come down. I remember previous Christmases when we would sit down and do the Festive budget: how many cakes to buy, lists of families and relatives to visit, sugar for Granma, soap for our favourite Aunt, chickens, pork, beef and Christmas decor. Also feast donations for the church, colony children's gathering.

The week before Christmas would be spent shopping, squeezing in the annual trip to Dimapur and cleaning meat for drying and for cooking. Wrapping cakes and gifts to be given away. A trip into the wilds for local holly and of course, decorating the Christmas tree in the living room and putting up the quintessential Christmas star and light. Until early 2000, we would hunt out and cut a live pine for the tree but we now have a fake but lively looking tree. After all, it's the thought that matters right?

Last Christmas, I was on a plane for 16 plus hours, battling dehydration, kidneys acting up and a bad back. Hungry and couldn't buy food because my plastics refused to work and they wouldn't accept cash on the plane. To top it all, a very sour air hostess who yelled at me when I asked for water to drink for the third time. I guess I was being a pain. But I did meet another flight attendant who treated me to a deliciously filling turkey sandwich but whom I had to run out on to catch my next flight. Thank you and I hope he didn't get into trouble for the sandwich I didn't get to pay for {not that I didn't offer to pay but they refused cash :( }

This Christmas was a lot different and yet quite like the others too.
Less pork of course but our relatives weren't deterred in sending us more pork and the cakes arrived as usual. A lot of traffic. In and out. We made kemenya* rice cakes as usual and sent out to family and friends on Christmas eve, stopping everywhere for tea and chitchat. That's always fun. How I have missed Christmas at home.

Last year, my Christmas was a journey back but this year, I got to be home, with my loved ones and family. I couldn't have asked for a better year. I thank God for that.
Merry Christmas to everyone. And I hope you find a reason to smile and make someone smile too this season.

*sticky rice