Running.....

Sometimes it feels so much easier to run away from it all than to face it.

And sometimes, you can't run even if you want to.

And sometimes, you have to keep running to keep it going.

Right now, I am keeping it running.

For reasons I know best.

I have stuck to my guns and faced my demons.

I will do it again if the need arises.

People around me are running too. In the way they know best.

I don't judge them or blame them.

That is how they are and the only way they know perhaps.

Life is all about running things.

Keeping it running. Sometimes running away and sometimes running home.

And we all need to run to keep our sanity on some days.

I just need us to keep holding hands as we run this stretch together.

Don't let go of my hand. I won't let go of yours.

And we keep running this race we found ourselves a part of.

Ode to a virtual friend

hello stranger, 

friend and confidante,

sometimes you could be on the other side

far away, beyond my way

and then a word, a line, a song shared 

and it all makes sense

these connections, conversations 

no one can explain

i've tried. i know

i'm just happy you are here 

and sometimes there

in my life, in my world, 

in my inbox and smartphone

under the same sun and moon

why should every relationship have a name?

somethings are beyond definition

it's enough that we clicked

over a joke, a picture, imaginary coffee

and shared a minute 

of understanding and enlightenment

wisdom and truth

that's all there is to a beautiful life

the way we touch each other's existence

giving meaning to a mundane moment

enriching life and adding color

a kind word, cheering us up unexpectedly

sobering advice that seems just right for me

i am grateful for the solidarity

and empathy and the arguments;

the answers and the questions

the humor and the faith

and just so you know

you will never be alone

somewhere in the shadows 

i lurk to bring you a smile

when you least expect it

you would do the same for me

thank you for those many seconds

when life became beautiful

and i could begin to dream again

If you could read my mind....

A song I totally love. So poignant and honest. I wish I could write like this.

If you could read my mind, love,
What a tale my thoughts could tell.
Just like an old time movie,
'Bout a ghost from a wishing well.
In a castle dark or a fortress strong,
With chains upon my feet.
You know that ghost is me.
And I will never be set free
As long as I'm a ghost that you can't see. 
                                        
If I could read your mind, love,
What a tale your thoughts could tell.
Just like a paperback novel,
The kind the drugstores sell.
Then you reached the part where the heartaches come,
The hero would be me.
But heroes often fail,
And you won't read that book again
Because the ending's just too hard to take!
                                        
I'd walk away like a movie star
Who gets burned in a three way script.
Enter number two:
A movie queen to play the scene
Of bringing all the good things out in me.
But for now, love, let's be real;
I never thought I could  feel this way
And I've got to say that I just don't get it.
I don't know where we went wrong,
But the feeling's gone
And I just can't get it back. 
                                        
If you could read my mind, love,
What a tale my thoughts could tell.
Just like an old time movie,
'Bout a ghost from a wishing well.
In a castle dark or a fortress strong.
With chains upon my feet.
But stories always end,
And if you read between the lines,
You'd know that I'm just tryin' to understand
The feelin's that you lack.
I never thought I could feel this way
And I've got to say that I just don't get it.
I don't know where we went wrong,
But the feeling's gone
And I just can't get it back!

-----------Gordon Lightfoot- 1969

Of Christmases past.

I always get sentimental at Christmas. Like in the old christmas song.
But my thoughts get lost as there is always a lot to do.
Cooking. Shopping. Packing. Decorating. Visiting. Taking care of guests. Travelling.
Being taken care of. Planning. Ah! the list goes on and on.
One evening during our family chats, Mother exclaims that Christmas is her favourite festive occasion because people are all so nice, so cheerful, so courteous...even normally bitter people come alive somehow.
And I couldn't help but laugh at her observation but it is true. Haven't you noticed?
People are all in no hurry even though they hurry through their shopping, whole families out with the nannies and maids too tagging along. There is much cheer in the air. Nice smells. Smiles all around. Happy chit-chats. Even the local butcher is a cheerful person for once, indulging in friendly banter instead of shoving the unwanted meat portions at you with the "take it or leave it" attitude and face.
Colors and lights. I love standing on my balcony night after night as soon as December hits Kohima and check out the houses around mine all lit up. And listen to old records of Boney M and Jim Reeves.

Thanks to Hornbill, Christmas lights come up even earlier. And the fireworks....Minus the noise and the pollution would be perfect. We as a people haven't really evolved. Only adopted modern ways minus the sensibilities that go with it. Almost the neo-Punjabis. No offence intended but aren't we as a people gravitating towards pomp, loudness and show nowadays? Anything for Christmas I'd say.
In my family at least, the amount of pork we consume has come down. I remember previous Christmases when we would sit down and do the Festive budget: how many cakes to buy, lists of families and relatives to visit, sugar for Granma, soap for our favourite Aunt, chickens, pork, beef and Christmas decor. Also feast donations for the church, colony children's gathering.

The week before Christmas would be spent shopping, squeezing in the annual trip to Dimapur and cleaning meat for drying and for cooking. Wrapping cakes and gifts to be given away. A trip into the wilds for local holly and of course, decorating the Christmas tree in the living room and putting up the quintessential Christmas star and light. Until early 2000, we would hunt out and cut a live pine for the tree but we now have a fake but lively looking tree. After all, it's the thought that matters right?

Last Christmas, I was on a plane for 16 plus hours, battling dehydration, kidneys acting up and a bad back. Hungry and couldn't buy food because my plastics refused to work and they wouldn't accept cash on the plane. To top it all, a very sour air hostess who yelled at me when I asked for water to drink for the third time. I guess I was being a pain. But I did meet another flight attendant who treated me to a deliciously filling turkey sandwich but whom I had to run out on to catch my next flight. Thank you and I hope he didn't get into trouble for the sandwich I didn't get to pay for {not that I didn't offer to pay but they refused cash :( }

This Christmas was a lot different and yet quite like the others too.
Less pork of course but our relatives weren't deterred in sending us more pork and the cakes arrived as usual. A lot of traffic. In and out. We made kemenya* rice cakes as usual and sent out to family and friends on Christmas eve, stopping everywhere for tea and chitchat. That's always fun. How I have missed Christmas at home.

Last year, my Christmas was a journey back but this year, I got to be home, with my loved ones and family. I couldn't have asked for a better year. I thank God for that.
Merry Christmas to everyone. And I hope you find a reason to smile and make someone smile too this season.

*sticky rice

Gone

You said you were born to make me happy
That I was the answer to your prayers
All the lovely things you said
Filled me with hope for our forever
But suddenly all is gone
You have turned into a stranger
There is a huge wall up between us
I can't seem to break through
Try as I may, it's useless
I am all ears but you refuse to speak
How did this come about?
I never pretended to be perfect
Yes! I was lonely and angry
Now I am lost and broken
How could you do this to us?
Have you forgotten everything so fast?
Now you say you are not sure of yourself like before
I surely didn't see this coming
I guess it's time for me to shut down
You tell me not to be sad
But it kills me to know you're gone
I told myself I won't shed another tear
That I'm better off but it's all lies I tell myself
It's not helping much
Everyone says time will heal
And yeah in time the pain will subside
But for now I'll sing my sad songs
And after all is said and done
I know I'll find love again
One like never before
And it'll be sunny days once more.